Set's ships closed in, making any chance of escape impossible. I gripped the arms of the Captain's lawnchair, itself a veteran of many barbeques. Even in the heat of battle, with Set's D.O.R. weapons ripping into the mummyship's orgonomic integrity, my mind wandered.
"Ensign Pisquare, do you remember that song we wrote a couple of months ago? You know, the one about ancient astronauts and orgone?"
"Sure do, mummy."
"Well, then, hit it!"
In the middle of a battle, the crew began to sing and dance.
Star Seed
(Sung approximately to the tune "Liar, Liar", at least I think that was the name-- a Motown classic. Verses: Dm - F - G - A, Choruses: G - A - F - E - G - F - A)
Cazander Pisquare: (swaying back and forth in his seat. verse.)
Star seed, come and breed.
There are no fossils to the first machines
That spewed out the peptide rings
Which swam around in primordial seas.
(Isis jumps up and starts to do the Pony, which is funny since it's a dance that she's probably only seen in movies.)
Spacemummy: Brilliant. Now, my turn.
(sings in a surprising tenor in spite of his croaky speaking voice. verse.)
Star dust, terra's crust.
Ancient chariots turn to rust
But virii do what they must
To get to galactic center or bust.
Spacemummy: Take it to the bridge, Rachel Carson.
(The mnemogeist of biologist Rachael Carson floats across the big video screen on the bridge. She sings with a quavering voice. chorus, not really a bridge.)
"Dynamic systems are we
A continuing synthesis
Lest we kill off the friendly bacteria too."
Spacemummy: Well done! Now, our very own Hugo Salvia,
Hugo Salvia (strained smoker's voice, slightly flat. verse.)
“Star burst, a planet cursed,
We're expected to do our worst.
Pointing guns at my neighbor's head.
Seems the wisest are the undead.”
Spacemummy: Not a bad improvisation. Bill, we haven't heard from you.
Cyborg Bill Burroughs: (Spoken, which is as close as he comes to singing. verse.)
"Star crossed, duly tossed
Experience gained and pride we lost
Here we go to start again
Put a book on the fire, my friend."
Spacemummy: Appropriately dour, but we still love you. Now everyone!
(music cuts and the crew all sing together. chrous.)
Everyone:
"When they locked up Wilhelm to die
You could have heard his bions cry.
Then his orgone added color to the sky!"
Spacemummy:
Once again, this time with feeling!
Everyone:
(Slower and with tragic irony)
"When they locked up Wilhelm to die
You could have heard his bions cry.
Then his orgone added color to the sky!"
Isis intones the last note, a D major to give the song a final orgonomic lift.)
I looked around at my crew. "You know, that's tons of fun, really. I mean, I don't know why we aren't always just singing. Hey, let's try something. Since we're in a life-threatening battle and all, why don't we continue through carrying out the business of the ship in tune? Sound like a good idea?"
Spacemummy:
(assuming a command posture, asks)
A Crisis, Isis, can we possibly evade them?
Isis:
(checks her sensors and replies)
"Why do that when we can confront and unbraid them?"
Spacemummy:
(nods authoritatively)
Your opinion duly noted
If you continue, you'll be promoted.
Isis
(moving a bunch of gizmos around)
Setting up a smokescreen of quantum froth.
Cyborg Bill:
(raising a finger)
Confuse their morale with writings from Thoth.
Spacemummy:
(SM jumps out of the chair and does the splits in midair.)
Automagic. Set symbols to stun.
Hard rain of lead vitamins
from Capone's pulp comics gun.
Isis
(gives SM an askance look for his choice of diction.)
Spacemummy
(but SM continues all the same.)
Holy folicles, trashy periodicals!
We better get rolling and be quite methodical.
Isis
(warns the mummy)
Stay vector, mummy, you're coming in too obtuse.
If we cut it fast, we'll cut the pursuing ships loose.
Sapcemummy:
(gets on the intercom)
Engineering, can you hear me?
Cyborg Bill:
(impatiently)
Mummy, we're already here.
Spacemummy
(ignoring him)
Stoke the tanks with stroganoff,
betel nuts and easy off.
(singing longer notes)
We must keep the compost reactor stoked!
Cazander Pisquare:
(turning suddenly in his chair)
Wait a second! Stop the song!
Spacemummy:
(gripping the arms of the captain's deckchair)
What is it, Ensign?
"We lost them."